Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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