the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
