I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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