When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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