I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
