remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
