Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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