Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
