idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
you never un-have a 4some
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
