I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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