I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My balls are so social today.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
