Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
