He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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