There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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