Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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