Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize