the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
