i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
