oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
