This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
