I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
and she was petting her beer can
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
