; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
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