happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
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