You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
