Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
