You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
