we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
