Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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