I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
