My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
40s are totally the cure
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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