he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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