My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
