I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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