Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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