i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The beer is more important than you right now.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
