When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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