And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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