He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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