Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
