he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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