No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
