I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
