she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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