mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
