he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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