My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
