I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
