some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
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my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
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I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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