Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
