i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
