come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
