I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
