just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
