Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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