I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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