you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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