billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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