If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I think I sprained my soul last night
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
