making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
