Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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