i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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