just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts