miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.