Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.