Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me