What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
