why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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