Tell her she can't have a vagina
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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