no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
