update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
